Is it Us or is the House on Fire?
by Mina2x
Summary: A hilarious AU fanfic I based on two episodes from the TV series 'Wings'. You guys really gotta check it out...but I warn you, this fic contains a lot of R stuff! R and R please!


Title: Is it Us, or is the House on Fire?  
Author: Mina2x  
Email: sunny_ray78@yahoo.com  
Alt. Universe fanfiction  
Rating: A GREAT BIG...R!  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own 'Sailormoon' and I do NOT own the TV series 'Wings'.  
  
  
Author's Note: Okay, okay...so I am not done with 'From Girl to Mistress' at the moment, but not to worry, I am working on Chapter 6 this very moment. I am really glad you guys liked Chapter 5. Now I am posting this story to keep you guys entertained while waiting for FGTM Chapter 6. I wrote this while I ran out of things to do while I was interning. I got this idea by watching two different episodes of the Comedy series 'Wings'. This story is basically based on a mixture of those two hilarious episodes, and if you guys do not know what 'Wings' is about, it is a TV series that went off the air just recently, great series though and it is about two brothers running their father's commuter plane business in Nantucket. Now I am changing the characters to fit the Sailormoon Universe.  
  
Also I have added Seiya in this fic. I like Seiya...but not for Usagi, I wanted him to be paired up with Minako-chan. Anyways hope you guys like my experimenting with comedy and I do hope that I get a lot of good reviews for this.  
  
  
  
READ THE CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS BEFORE YOU READ THE STORY!  
  
  
  
Characters:  
  
  
Darien Hackett: The responsible, overbearing, worrywart oldest of the Hackett brothers. He is also considered to be a bit anal and compulsive at times. He is now the co-owner and pilot of Sandpiper Airlines (He shares the company with his brother Stephen who'd rather be called by his nickname 'SEIYA'. They took ownership when he received a letter from his late father who was trying to get him back together again with his brother after the ugly incident of Seiya running off with Carol, Darien's ex-fiancé. Now getting along better, they both own Sandpiper Air. He is now happily married to an old childhood friend and neighbor, Serena Chapel. When they first met, his exact words when they were 10 were 'BOY YOU SURE ARE FAT!'. Darien was also the star quarterback of 'Siasconcent High School' and the hunkiest and most popular in school. He was engaged once to his College sweetheart Carol, but things turned out for the worst when she ran away with Seiya. Another important thing about Darien is that he turned compulsive and anal when his mother left them for another man in Vegas.  
  
  
Stephen 'Seiya' Hackett: Darien's younger brother who is extremely humorous and oozes with sarcasm. He could be a bit irresponsible at times because he knows that BIG brother Darien is the one who really takes care of Sandpiper air. He is the co-owner and pilot of Sandpiper Air as well. Ran away with Darien's ex-fiancé once, only to be cheated by the same women when she left him for another man. He made a pass at Serena during his earlier years at Sandpiper Air, but got turned down cold because Serena's got that 'NO DATING PILOTS RULE', Darien used to be also a part of that rule as well because he is a pilot. Seiya used to be in a rock band in school, they called themselves the 'Three Lights' but everything went downward when their manager and record company cheated them. He is currently single right now and has some non-serious relationships here and there. He has this off-again/on-again relationship with Serena's younger sister Mina who he had great sex with before and during Serena and Darien's wedding.  
  
Serena Chapel Hackett: A beautiful and sexy lunch counter owner at the 'Tom Nevers Field' Airport. She is very friendly and sweet, but is also an expert with sharp words and sarcasm. Serena used to weigh a 100 pounds more when she was younger and she was always made fun of at school because she was a fatty. Darien consoled her once during their senior ball when one of the jocks made a bet that he would make Serena fall in love with him. Darien brought her home that day and told her that 'Only an idiot would do such a thing'. Her mother passed on the lunch counter to her. She is now married to Darien, but earlier she had this 'No dating pilots' rule because she found them to be full of ego. That broke when she started dating Darien. They had the typical love story with some incidents that brought them apart like Gail who became Darien's girlfriend when Serena left to pursue a Cellist career in New York, and David, her millionaire ex-fiancé. Now she is happily sexy and married to the guy she had always loved since she first met him...even if he did call her fat!  
  
Mina Chapel: Serena's younger sister. This divorcee is also as beautiful, sexy and sweet as Serena, but she could be a bit compulsive at times and a little materialistic. Mina used to be one of the most popular girls in school, she was part of the cheerleading squad, but she hates it when the other teens make fun of her then obese older sis, Serena. She is currently jobless and single. The Italian cab driver Antionio is secretly in love with her but aside from that she has no one to call a REAL boyfriend. She has an off-again/on-again relationship with Seiya who she had HOT sex with before and even DURING Serena's wedding. She knows that Seiya and her have nothing in common but they just can't help it.  
  
Luna Faye: The 70-year-old front desk lady of Sandpiper Air. A friendly and retired Flight attendant. Luna met Darien on a flight to New York once and was persuaded by Darien to work for Sandpiper Air for such poor earnings. She wanted to laugh at his face when she saw the salary but she has no choice. She married three times...all to men named George, but they all died. She thinks it's a curse.  
  
Roy Biggins: The stout, loud, sarcastic and crassy owner of the more popular airline 'Aeromass' just across 'Sandpiper Air's' counter. He always likes to pry into other people's affairs but had earned to be a part of the whole airport 'gang'. Married once and divorced, he now lives with his mom and is currently single. He could get a bit neurotic at times when he remembers his childhood and once took a Russian mail-order bride, but let her go when he realized she was in love with a Boston University graduate. He takes an awful lot of time making a decision on what to order at the lunch counter.  
  
Antonio Scarpacci: The gentle but pathetic Italian cab driver. He came to the US illegally and therefore had to marry Serena just to get a Green Card (This was during the time when Darien was with Gail and Serena came back from an unsuccessful career in NYC.). He eventually got his green card and a quickie divorce from Serena who wanted it as SOON as possible when she learned that Tony wanted to stay married with her and consummate the marriage. Antonio is secretly in love with Mina and yet he cannot seem to show it to her. He dated a girl named Edna with a HUGE GIGANTIC head once. He is very unhappy with his type of job and is very insecure about the way he is because he thinks that he doesn't have caring friends. He also owes the IRS a whole lot of money.  
  
  
  
Now on with the story:  
  
  
  
  
It all started during Darien and Serena's Honeymoon in the Bahamas:  
  
  
  
At the Honeymoon suite:  
  
  
"Oh Darien honey! I LOVE IT...I love it here!" Serena chirped as she joyfully twirls around the room, her bountiful curly golden locks swaying with each movement.  
  
" Well...wheeze...I'm...huff...glad that you're...gasp...happy sweetheart!" An exhausted Darien followed as he dropped the heavy luggage on the floor.   
  
"DAMN Serena! What've you got packed in there anyway...a horse?"  
  
"Ooooooohhhh...nothing...just a couple of...'stuff'!"  
  
"What kind of stuff?" Darien coyly asked as he noted Serena's sudden sway of her hips and the husky change of her voice.  
  
"Oh just...some...special...'toys'!"  
  
And with that she gave Darien a seductive wink as she licked her moist lips.  
  
  
***********************************************  
  
The next day at the honeymoon suite:  
  
"WOW! I can't believe we made love all day yesterday!" A satiated Darien chirped while giving Serena's deliciously naked body a great bear hug.  
  
"But it was magical wasn't it?" She huskily replied giving him a kiss.  
  
"Hey, we gotta do something else before we leave this paradise!"  
  
"You're right Darien...how does snorkeling sound honey?"  
  
"GREAT!"  
  
***************************************************  
  
By the beach side, the beautiful couple were ready for their snorkeling lessons and were both overdressed in snorkeling gear and looking silly at the same time.  
  
"Are you ready to go hon?"  
  
"I sure am Darien my love!" Serena said, grabbing Darien's hand at the same time.  
  
Something ignited between the two of them as soon as skin touched skin. The two lovebirds stared at each other wide-eyed.  
  
"Are you in the mood?" Serena asked breathlessly.  
  
"Always."  
  
"What about our snorkeling lessons?"  
  
"To HELL with it!"  
  
And with that Darien immediately whisks Serena back to their suite.  
  
***************************************************  
  
  
And the next day by the beach side...AGAIN:  
  
  
  
"SERENA!...SERENA!" Darien waved wildly, trying to catch Serena's attention while she was parasailing in the air.  
  
Hearing her love's voice, Serena waved back at him and flashed him one of her infamous sunny smiles. The passion between them is ignited yet again for the umpteenth time as they stared into each other's eyes and Darien flashed her that certain 'LOOK'.  
  
  
"HEY MISTER...BRING ME DOWN...NOW!"  
  
******************************************************  
  
Next day at the honeymoon suite:  
  
"At this rate we won't be able to see the rest of the island!" Darien huffed.  
  
"WHO CARES!" Serena pulled Darien's head towards her lips and gave him a highly erotic kiss. The newly married couple got caught up again in the passionate moment.  
  
  
  
****************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, that night back at Serena's house in the town of Nantucket:  
  
  
"So..." Mina started as she set some of the luggage on the floor.  
  
"So..." Seiya answered as he caught up with Mina in the house.  
  
Mina was just moving out some of her stuff out when she moves in with Seiya because Darien and Serena now lives in the house she and Serena once called the Chapel residence, and Seiya just wanted to make sure that the house was organized for the couple's homecoming. Both just didn't expect to see each other this soon, after those unforgettable incidents before and during Serena's wedding.  
  
Breaking the silence, Seiya spoke first.  
  
"Antonio wanted to kill me weeks ago because of what...happened...between us...at the wedding."  
  
"Don't forget the before part."  
  
"And before the wedding." Seiya sarcastically added.  
  
'Well why should he be mad?" Mina nervously laughed. "There is absolutely nothing between the two of us...I don't know what brought me to have sex with the likes of you!"  
  
"Exactly!" Seiya answered reassuringly. "There is AB-SO-LUTE-LY no attraction going on between the two of us."  
  
"No attraction at all...even if the sex was so great!" Mina laughed.  
  
TICK  
  
TOCK  
  
TICK  
  
TOCK  
  
TICK  
  
TOCK  
  
TICK  
  
TOCK  
  
  
  
  
  
"OH WHAT THE HELL!"   
  
Seiya groaned as he grabbed for Mina and forcefully kissed her. Mina kissed him back feverishly, and the two started to strip each other off of their clothes.  
  
"Mina...I...can't undo your buttons!" he groaned.  
  
"RIP IT OFF!" she cried.  
  
And the next thing you know, Seiya and Mina's clothes were thrown all over the place with Mina's bra landing on the brightly lit fireplace.  
  
******************************************************  
  
  
Much later in the Master's Bedroom:  
  
"OH YEAH!"  
  
"GIVE IT TO ME BABY!"  
  
"OH GODS...YES!"  
  
"SEIYA!"  
  
"MINA!"  
  
"SEIYA"  
  
"MINA!"  
  
"SEIYA...WE HAVE...FIRE!"  
  
"I KNOW I'M HOT BABY...YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!"  
  
" NO...NO...THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!"  
  
And at that moment, a couple of firemen came crashing into the room.  
  
  
*****************************************************  
  
  
Next day at the 'Tom Nevers Field Airport':  
  
  
"What am I going to tell Darien...he's gonna kill me!"  
  
"YOU! Well what about me? Serena's going to skin me alive!" Mina cried. "You have to be the one to tell Darien what had happened!"  
  
"ME! It was YOUR BRA!"  
  
"WELL WHO FLUNG IT AT THE FIREPLACE BOZO!"  
  
"Okay...okay, so I flung it at the fireplace...but you didn't stop me!"  
  
"So it was both our fault." Mina sighed.  
  
"And besides...what am I gonna tell Darien...Hey Darien, welcome back home...oh and by the way I burnt your house but I hear that sleeping amongst the ash is quite bearable."  
  
"Boy...somebody better bring me a fire hydrant soon...I heard that if the two of you are left alone things begin to get a little TOO HOT!" Roy Biggins loudly teased as he approached them.  
  
"SHUT UP ROY!" The two replied.  
  
Seconds later, a cheerful Antionio Scarpacci decked in his best Sunday suit approaches the trio.  
  
"Oh Mina...I can't wait to have lunch with you later. I wanted to bedazzle you so I bought tons of roses and filled them in my car which cost me my whole savings...but what the heck, just as long as you like it I can stay miserable, after all I am living miserably now."  
  
"Antonio...I gotta make a rain check on our luncheon...sorry?" Mina apologized.  
  
"Shame on you Mina...your bra catches fire and now you turn Antonio down...oh the insanity of it all!" Seiya replied.  
  
"What is this about a bra?" Antonio asked confused as usual.  
  
Roy immediately filled Antonio with the details.  
  
"OH!"  
  
"Antonio...are you okay?" Mina asked as they thought that Antonio was going to faint.  
  
"I am okay, after all I'm used to this. It isn't everyday that a man like me is chased by the IRA and the immigration officers while at the same time working miserably as a cabbie and having a next to 0 account especially when a beautiful girl turns you down after spending a fortune on roses...I think that I will be okay."  
  
"You don't look so good." Roy replied.  
  
"I will just sit over at the lunch counter and wallow in my sorrows...as this pathetic single man always do."  
  
And with that he leaves the trio.  
  
"Seiya...what are we gonna do?"  
  
"Well you better come up with something quick because the happy honeymooners are here!" Roy added.  
  
  
"HEY EVERYONE!" The happy couple cheered as they both entered the airport.  
  
"How was the Bahamas?" Roy asked.  
  
"Oh it was beautiful!" Serena beamed. "The people were super dooper friendly, the sky was so clear, the water so blue, the sand so sandy, the air so clean..."  
  
"You guys never came out of your honeymoon suite didn't you?" Roy laughed.  
  
"Nope!" The two replied.  
  
"Except the time when we had to get some ice for our champagne." Darien said, giving Serena a knowing smile telling her that he still remembers how they played with that champagne.  
  
"Oh MINA...SEIYA! We're so glad that both of you are here!" Serena chirped. "We wanna show you guys something we bought especially for our home!"   
  
Serena took out from her bag a thick piece of log with the name 'THE HACKETTS' carved into it.  
  
"Isn't it great?" Serena and Darien both excitedly asked.  
  
"Yeah...that is if you can actually hang it against the ruins." Roy laughed, but his humor was cut short when he met Seiya and Mina's furious glances.  
  
"Er...I better return to my post!"  
  
"Darien...uh...I gotta tell you and Serena something very important." Seiya started to motion Darien towards their office.  
  
"That means you too...Mina!" Seiya ordered seeing that Mina didn't budge and still won't.  
  
"After all...it isn't entirely my bra!" Seiya added again making Mina miffed this time around.  
  
"OKAY...OKAY!"  
  
  
As soon as the office door was shut everything was quiet and peaceful...until...  
  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
  
  
  
  
To be continued:  
  
This is pretty short so it's just going to be a two parter.  
Hope you guys liked it and...reviews please.  
  
Also I hope you guys didn't mind but this fic was unedited so sorry for the poor grammar!  
  
  
Mina2x  



End file.
